johnivey STORY (PART ONE)
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@I really had a ‘Leave It To Beaver’ type of life, until the third grade that is. I went to a Private Christian school and had an older brother, a stay-at-home mom and a dad that worked very hard. Life was really good at the Ivey’s. We attended church 3 times a week and my brother and I played on the church baseball teams. I was baptized when I was 8 years old by one of the Elders at church. When I expressed my desire to become a Christian this Elder volunteered to come over to our home to talk with me about my decision. After an hour of discussion he decided I was ready. We went to the church right then and I was baptized. Yes, life was great up to that 3rd grade year.
Then one late autumn night everything would change forever!
I was asleep in the bedroom that I shared with my older brother. Suddenly, I was awakened by a terrible noise. It was the sound of voices coming from my parent’s room. I looked over at my brother’s bed. It was empty! As I looked toward the door, I caught a glimpse of him disappearing as he rounded the corner and into the hall. I jumped up wanting two things. I kind of wanted to know what all the noise was, but mostly I wanted not to be left alone in the dark.
I entered my parent’s room just a couple of steps behind my brother. My dad was swinging his fist wildly and yelling at my mom. As I looked on in horror I could see he was actually raising his fists high into the air and then bringing them down and hitting my mom in the head.
My mom was screaming his name and begging him to stop. I heard her say, "STOP, the boys are watching stop! Stop! STOP!"
My mom was in a fetal position with a blanket pulled up to her chin. The only things visible were her hands and her head. My dad then began pulling the blanket away from my mom. She tried desperately to hold on to it and to keep herself covered. This sadistic tug of war ended aburptly when with one quick motion my dad succeeded in snatching the blanket from her, Her body was in full view. She continued to beg him to stop. She only had on a pair of panties. With another quick motion he tore them off. My mom was now lying on the bed completely naked!
He shouted, "Let them see you for the WHORE that you are! Let them see you the way Thomas has seen you!"
Now I didn't know what a WHORE was, but by the way my dad was screaming I knew it wasn't a good thing.
My dad then started choking my mom until she passed out. Actually, I thought he had killed her.
I remember thinking I should say something, but I was too scared to speak. I briefly thought about running, but I didn't know where I would go. All of the people I loved and trusted were in this room. I then realized I was unable to move. As these events took place, I wondered if I would be next to receive a beating. Although it was only a matter of minutes, it seemed as if not only was time standing still but that my confusion was overwhelming. I did not see anything I could do. I couldn't help my mom. I couldn't protect myself. I was in a situation in which I had no input, no solutions, and worst of all no escape.
Then suddenly I noticed my brother was no longer standing beside me. He had gone back to our bedroom. When he returned he was holding his 22-caliber rifle.
As my brother pointed the rifle at my dad he shouted, "Leave my mother alone!"
My dad looked at him and then looked at me. He never said a word. He just stopped and walked out of the room. I knew he had left the house when I heard the front door shut behind him.
My mother regained consciousness. She was crying as she covered herself with the blanket my dad had jerked away from her moments before. My brother made his way over to the bed and was hugging my mom. I was still paralyzed with fear and confusion. My mom never motioned for me to come over to the bed where she and my brother were consoling each other. I just stood in that same spot. I remember thinking that I was not as important to my mom as my brother. After all he was hugging her and they were crying together. He was the one that had saved her from my dad. It was not that I did not want to go over there, I was STILL UNABLE to move. My mind just kept replaying the events I had just witnessed I was trying to understand what had happened and why it had happened. My mind was racing with all types of thoughts, I was still wondering what a 'Whore' was. I was wishing I had, had a gun to protect my mom. I was wishing I knew where my dad had gone. I remember thinking if my dad had stayed perhaps he would put his arms around me like my mom was doing to my brother and tell me things were going to be OK. I was wishing someone would explain to me why I was the only one standing there alone. Each of the 3 of them had participated in the most important event in my life and yet I just stood and did nothing, said nothing, and felt as though I were in someone else's body watching a really scary movie.
As she was sobbing she told us to go back to bed and never tell anyone what we had witnessed.
As I walked toward my bed it seemed as though for me a lifetime in someone else's body and in someone else's world had passed since I was awakened from a sound peaceful sleep just minutes before.
The next day neither my brother, mother nor myself mentioned what had taken place just a few hours before. No one mentioned anything about my dad or where he was. My brother and I got up and dressed. My mom drove us to school just as if nothing was wrong. When I got to school, I went about my normal routine, laughing and playing with my friends. School was always a social event for me. The education was just the price I had to pay to have access to my friends. I was always telling jokes and having a great time while I was at school.
We never talked about that night. It was as though it never happened. It would be many years later when I began writing stories about my life before I ever told anyone what happened. That morning, I went to school as though everything was fine. I wanted to talk to someone, but I did not know who I could talk to or even how to begin to tell what I had witnessed. I thought if I did tell anyone, I would be in serious trouble.
I found out later that the "Thomas" (my dad referred to) was Thomas the Elder at our church that baptized me. I began to wonder why he felt it was necessary to come to my house and ask me questions about my desire to be baptized. Was he sincere in doing so or had that been just an excuse to come over and spend time with my mom.
In that one night all the things I had been taught had been betrayed. I felt as if my whole world was a lie. I wondered .... if you could not trust your mom, or the Elder in your church that baptized you and you could not trust your dad..... Well, who could you trust?
That’s been nearly 50 years ago. Why am I telling you this? I guess I just want to say that the next time you are talking to someone be aware that they might have a secret and no one to talk to. Don’t be so quick to judge. All my life people have told me that I was a little paranoid. A therapist once told me I was hyper vigilant. I have also been told I should learn to trust people.
All of that is true, but sometimes one’s experiences in life say something different.